I’m getting this from the top, and, bear with me, but it appears that Sidney Crosby has been cleared to return to the lineup, and…yes, I’m hearing that he WILL play tonight against the Islanders. It looks like I’ll have to do a bit of digging to find this story out, and…yes, it’s confirmed. Great news for hockey! Thank god there’s someone out there willing to talk about the great Sidney Crosby, even if the media try their hardest to keep us guessing at his status.
*Several hours later*
Ah, much must have passed in the past few hours, as there were several games going on simultaneously. Surely there must be multiple interesting and unique stories. Now to see what people are talking about in the hockey world and (Warning: the following link may contain graphic images of some schmuck with a creepy sharpie-drawn stache and multiple orgasms from NHL.com) HOLY S**T!!!
If you weren’t brave enough to click the link — and I don’t blame you (screenshot of NHL.com’s front page) — let me summarize it for you:
Crosby Crosby Crosby Crosby Crosby Sid Crosby Crosby Sidney Crosby Crosby Crosby some crap about the Bruins winning 9 in a row Crosby Crosby Crosby oh that prick Kaleta got fined? Who cares what he did, it’s all about Crosby Crosby Crosby Crosby Crosby Olli Jokinen.
I also have to note that I didn’t even get all of it in that screen cap; there’s actually a fifth headline (“Sid powers Pens with 2 goal, 4 point return”) on the top of the right sidebar, an entire sidebar entitled “Crosby’s return tweets” in which other players tweet their tweets about the guy, and a poll at the bottom that asks fans to predict how many goals Crosby will score this season. I mistakenly cut the top part of the page too short and accidently circled the story about the Bruins getting their ninth straight. I apologize for that; anything I may type about or point out that is NOT about Sidney Crosby is completely by accident and as irrelevant to the world as irrelevant as the human appendix is to gunshots.
It’s great that he returned to the lineup. It’s good for hockey. I may hate him (and don’t get me wrong, I DO hate him), but it’s good publicity and it’s the one hockey-related subject that ESPN and those other media goons are willing to talk about. But stop it. We get it. He’s a great player. Have some mercy on us non-Penguin/Crosby fans. I haven’t heard someone use a name that much since I heard Devil’s color guy Chico Resch talk about Marty Broduer putting on his jockstrap.
Neglecting to showcase much else that’s happened in the past 24 hours in the hockey world than Crosby is demeaning to the fans, the players, and the rest of the Pittsburgh Penguins roster (except for Matt Cooke). There may not be a TON going on right now, but at least let us figure that out for ourselves. I don’t need you to tell me what Crosby is eating for breakfast or what other players think about him (did I mention that I hate him?).
And it’s impressive that he scored four points (two and two) in his return to hockey after 10 months, especially considering the nature of the injury (concussion). He already has more goals in one game than Scott Gomez has scored all season. He may have even made a couple of really nice plays (I refuse to link you to any of them, as you’ll probably see them on your milk carton tomorrow morning anyway. Have you seen this man-boy?). Let’s also not forget the fact that he played against the Islanders (still trying to make it to the NHL) and that the Penguins are a very talented team with or without him (11-6-3 this year without Crosby and pretty good last year without him AND Malkin).
It’s upsetting to see his face and name plastered all over any place that’s talking about hockey. I can understand that his four-point return is a top story, but it’s not the first-, second-, third-, fourth-, AND fifth-most interesting story. NHL.com used 3/5 of its moving headline slots for a single player as well as the top five of its 10 sidebar headlines. That’s just upsetting. I’m willing to admit he’s a great player and is very newsworthy (I still hate him though), but one story is enough (or two even, I’ll give you two! I don’t know how you can make the same story into a pair, but it’s such a big issue I’ll cut you some slack), especially after we’ve had to hear about him for the past 10 months when he wasn’t even playing.
But let’s not pretend like NHL.com and other media are the only culprits of this reporting atrocity; that simply wouldn’t be fair. I also blame Alex Ovechkin.
Seriously, where are you bud? You’re supposed to be interchangeably #1 or 2 with the player in discussion. I have you on my fantasy team, and I’m not going to lie, Alex: I’m doing terribly. And I blame you. I drafted you with the number one overall pick. I trusted you. I put my trust in you and you betrayed that trust. You aren’t playing well, and therefore are not an issue in the hockey world right now. You’re betraying the entire league by allowing your arch-nemesis (at least in hockey, I don’t know his evil Russian counterpart) to thrive off your failures. Get better.
But I digress. Crosby Crosby Crosby Crosby Crosby Crosby Crosby Crosby Crosby (I’m not even copying and pasting as a way to let out my rage) Crosby Crosby Crosby Crosby Crosby Crosby Crosby Crosby…